


firefly

by maokuuns



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, Drowning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Not Beta Read, Other, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, hm I’ll add any necessary tags as we go, im really not sure what to throw in here hold up, i’m so sorry lol, no explicit attempts just the thoughts, not explicit as per usual, uh like not explicitly cutting and blood but variations, warnings on each chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:20:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28878621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maokuuns/pseuds/maokuuns
Summary: while flowers found a way to bloom, broken stars made youa collection of Ace struggling with himself, darker thoughts, and how reader explicitly or otherwise manages to help him through it, one step at a time, one day at a time
Relationships: Portgas D. Ace/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

> a quick note; this is just me vaguely projecting on my fave sorry lol. Ace has so many struggles with his life and being alive at all, so I figured I’d just delve deeper into that as well
> 
> warnings; mentions of choking oneself, a slight attempt with a hat rope

God, he was tired. Couldn’t even remember taking an actual nap, his head hurt, throat was dry as all hell. Still, he was tired.

“Geez, where is it...”

Ace ran a hand through his messy locks, eyes narrowed as he tried to find his hat in the darkness of his room, unwilling to let light bathe over him just yet.

With a heavy breath, he crouched down to gently lift his hat up and off the floor. He blew on it, ridding of the few specks of dust clinging to it.

With a lazy shake for good measure, he pulled his hat over his head and let it drop against his back.

Maybe he was too tired. Feeling his hat pull on the rope around his neck, his fuzzy mind wandered, curious of what it felt like to choke.

He pulled a face, grimacing at his own thoughts. “God, ain't that a bit morbid, huh...” It didn’t keep him from thinking about it, though.

He reached back, a little slow and hesitant, taking hold of his hat and tugging, feeling the rope pull up against his neck. His gaze drifted to the side as he twisted his hat once, pulling the rope a little tighter. He gave an experimental tug.

If he pulled just hard enough, twisted his hat a little bit more, the rope would pull enough against his throat, and—

His fingers released his hat the second he heard his door begin to open, blinking a couple times.

“Ah, there you are. I got sent to come find you.”

You watched him with that ever curious gaze of yours, and his lips pulled into a frown.

You’d never know about the light red mark across his throat, and you’d gently untwist his hat for him as you went on about your tasks for the day, voice light.

Well, doing chores sounded a little more appealing then choking himself, he decided with a crooked smile. Even better, if he was doing chores, at least it was with you.

It was probably for the best.


	2. ii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings; thoughts of drowning

Huh. The water sure was clear today.

Ace stared down at the gentle waves, elbow resting on the taffrail and cheek in his palm. If the water was any clearer, maybe he’d be able to see some fish or something.

_What would happen if I just fell overboard?_

That was dumb. He’d drown. Of course he would; he couldn’t bloody swim. Still, the thought persisted. Maybe he’d just float off and no one would notice him. Would he float?

Dumb. He’d sink. His thoughts were making him stupid. Of course he’d sink. He couldn’t swim, he’d drown and sink to the bottom of the ocean, hit the ocean floor where no one had been and be lost to the waves.

Just the dark pit of the sea.

Maybe.

Ace sighed heavily, shoulders slumping. It was too nice of a day to be in this kind of mood, but he couldn’t help it. The dark, cold feeling clawed its way up into his throat, dug it’s claws in and stayed.

It was going to be a long day.

“Ace!”

You had bounded over rather brightly, and he hummed in acknowledgement of your arrival.

“Marco wanted me to find people to play cards with us! Do you want to join us? There’s a bunch of others waiting, too.”

Ace blinked slowly, taking in his appearance. Cards sounded good. A distraction. That was good.

“Hah, yeah, I’ll join. You always being sent around the ship like that for others?”

You had grinned so brightly at his teasing tone, and his chest tightened. So warm.

“I was just excited to come get you to play with us!”

He smiled warily at his reflection before setting his hands on the taffrail firmly and pushing off. He offered you a wider, and much more genuine smile.

“I get excited seeing you run up to me, too.”

Your laugh was so soothing. Playing cards with everyone was definitely a good idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I learnt that the safety handrail on a ship in “naval terms” is a taffrail so there’s that


	3. iii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings; more mentions of drowning

Loud. His crewmates were so loud.

Ace smiled crookedly at the yelling. They’d docked, and with such nice weather, a lot had decided to spend time on the shore. It wasn’t particularly something they did often.

Ace kicked a foot lazily, feeling the water slosh around his legs and the heavy, sinking feeling in his body due to his Devil Fruit.

Well, it was nice to feel the water, at least.

Ace looked out at the ever expanding sea line, humming. It was a content feeling he had when he saw the blue sky meet the water. Still...

_What if I just walked in and didn’t stop?_

His shoulders sagged at the intrusive thoughts prodding at him, waiting to be heard and maybe even humoured. It was only a matter of time, he supposed.

Thinking about it, he looked around and there weren’t any eyes on him. None. He could just walk off without anyone realising, let the water take him wherever it wished and embrace him until it was all he could feel.

He could. He **wouldn’t** , but if he felt like it, he _could_.

“Feeling the water?”

He looked over his shoulder and flashed you a cheeky smile, kicking a foot up and out of the water. “‘S all I can do, unfortunately.”

You laughed in good humour, coming to a stop beside him, the water curling around you both with your entrance.

“Isn’t this nice? It’s such a good day!”

“Sure is rare. For pirates, we don’t bask in the glory of the beach much, huh?”

Your snort had him grinning, rocking back and forth on his feet. Making you laugh was something he loved to do.

“Well, I think the beach is nice! Water is always fun, but the beach...” You crouched down and ran your fingers over the surface of the water.

“When the waves come and go, it feels like it could take away all my problems.”

Ace stared down at you, watching your expression morph from content to awe as you splashed the water around with your fingers.

“Guess that’s one way to look at it,” he mumbled thoughtfully, looking back out at the sea. He released a slow breath when the waves pulled back from where you both stood, closing his eyes for a moment.

Maybe the waves wouldn’t take him with them, but if they could take his problems, even just from today... that was good enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some more drowning prompts, since that’s a pretty big threat to someone like Ace

**Author's Note:**

> *whips* I’ve been thinking about this since yesterday so here’s a whole goddamn collection sorry lol


End file.
